As I’ve said, I have always been a hard worker. I have always been on a strict schedule from basketball my whole entire life. Since my basketball career has ended, one of the biggest differences in my life that I have noticed is the way I now view task completion, and how I value the success of each individual day I go through.
While playing basketball and living in the strict, compounded schedule I had on a day-to-day basis, I always had satisfaction because I worked towards something each day: getting better at basketball. I would wake up and typically have a practice or game first thing in the morning. It felt good, really good. I had so much gratification after my early morning workouts, knowing in the back of my mind that most of my friends were still sleeping and I just kicked a**. But that typically wasn’t where my day ended just yet. At the time of playing basketball, knowing that I constantly lived with such a strict, limited schedule, I was able to complete other tasks with the limited free time I had to do whatever I wanted. If I knew I only had two hours out of my day to complete school work, I was damn sure going to complete all the school work I needed to in those two hours.
Life is interesting. I remember, just this past winter thinking to myself “I cannot wait until I can just focus on schoolwork without having basketball every single day.” It was not easy balancing both my school work and my basketball schedule. It took effort and planning. It took determination and a willingness to want to be great to put in the work and effort I did. In return, I got through it. There were days when I saw no end in sight, classes and assignments I was not sure how I would complete, and practices that I did not know if I could survive. But everything I just said; I accomplished, all by myself with determination, willingness, and most importantly gratification.
With all that being said, I hold myself to a high standard and I always have. The first few weeks that my basketball career ended I honestly felt on top of the world. I had so much free time to do other tasks -art projects, concerts, and catching up with old friends- I was living a whole new life I never experienced before. I had no anxiety about working out or having to travel soon. I could do what I wanted. However, as time went on, the free time I had so much of started to feel weird. I no longer had satisfaction every morning from getting a basketball workout in and accomplishing something I was striving for. I could go to the gym and work out, but what was my goal? I wasn’t working toward anything at the gym, I was just going to go. I could finish an art project, but what for? My own satisfaction? Maybe. But none of that was making me feel good. I hit a bump in the road and I got stuck for a while.
It was only last month when I had an epiphany. Even when basketball ended, I still had so much schoolwork to do (and still do). There was one day last month when I thought to myself the exact thought I had during my basketball season, “I cannot wait until I can just focus on schoolwork without having basketball every single day.” It hit me. I was and am living in that moment and I felt so unsatisfied. It struck me, what every cliche always says: You always want what you don’t have. I realized why I was feeling so bad and that was because I felt like I wasn’t working toward anything worth accomplishing in my life, but the weird thing was that I was. I was and still am working toward my master’s degree.
The very next day I put one foot in front of the other and just kept going. I told myself I would not get stuck and do the things that I know will make me feel good, which is working toward something in my life. I spent 8 hours on my thesis that day. When I got home that night, I felt immaculate. I finally felt satisfied, and I found more of myself that day.
Comments